Today in the US it was black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Which not only means that the masses come filtering out of the wood works to get a hot deal on the newest (and greatest ever) Ipod who knows what edition (subliminally, red is the new black), but it also means that the radio stations start playing Christmas music, on every channel. Well, I was here, in the Baja where there were no special post holiday deals, In fact I came to the conclusion that they have it backwards as I handed over 150 pesos (around 10 bucks) for a 10lb bag of potatoes. Ouch. Oh well, tis life I guess, you need, you wait in line for hours, you mace the people in front of you at wal-mart to get ahead so you can be the one to have the last x-box, and you pay 10 bucks for potatoes cause otherwise there won't be any for dinner.
But back to the Christmas music. I heard it in the car and thought to myself, how can it be? It's sunny, the air is warm, I have sunglasses on! How is it almost time for hot apple cider by the fireplace and wool stockings filled with sugar plum fantasies? And then I smelled it. Home. I was already floating around in a sort of euphoric dream state (although it could have very well been the fact that my blood sugar was dangerously low from a lack of sustenance and my caffeine level was spiked well above what is normally recommended...) But in the midst of euphoria, in the middle of Ensenada as we whizzed past a grocery store, I caught a whiff of Oregon. It was beautiful. For a moment I thought the Lord had come to take us home, for a second I thought the heavens had opened and the angels were singing. But then I came back to and realized it was just the carols on the radio and a teeny tiny area of the parking lot full of pine trees (from Oregon I reckon). As we slowed to a stop light I had a compelling urge to jump from the (still moving) vehicle, do a double tuck and roll (cause if you're gonna jump you gotta do it right) and dart into the mini forest of concrete soil and rootless pines to curl up underneath one, just so I could smell the scent of home a little bit longer.
But I didn't jump, I'm not that unhinged. Although a minute later I thought to myself, "you should have" when the lingering pine in my nostrils turned forcibly into the aroma of raw sewage. At that moment I was back. In Mexico. Home in Mexico. And all I could do was smile. It's oddly exhilarating when you recognize that your heart is in multiple places. What you once found painfully difficult is now effortless, and without limits. When you see that what the Lord does IS good, and nothing He does is to cause harm or pain. We do those things to ourselves when we struggle against His will. But when you let go you'll see. You'll see that you can savor and touch, that you can accept and acknowledge, that you can be free to love completely. That the smell of raw sewage might only be a few steps away from the scent of home that you so long for.
God is good friends. Always and forever and ever and ever, He is good.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I decided to stop posting in tumblr so I moved the scribbles I wanted to keep over here to this new blog, which is actually just a revamp of this one-
http://illustratedbabbles.tumblr.com/
http://illustratedbabbles.tumblr.com/
forgiveness.
The Lord gave me a visual picture today. I was sitting on the patio as my girls played. They were getting along so well until one of them came running to me. She was crying that her sister had thrown mud on her shoes and now they were all dirty and oh how mean was she for doing such a thing. My initial thought was that of every mom; deal with it, get along, move on and don’t be bothered by such silly things, after all it was probably only an accident to begin with. But as I listened to the agony pouring out of her I looked further into the picture and saw that my other little girl was also crying. She had wronged her friend, her sister, and was now paying a very steep price. She had lost her playmate. To her it were as though her best friend had forever left her side and she sat on the ground and sobbed in her hands. I was paralyzed in the moment, I had no words or answers, only a broken heart. My heart ached for them both. I felt as God must feel when His children quarrel, when we fight or carry anger or discontentment. I felt the pain of human failure, the ache of realizing that even our precious children fall short and fail, both themselves and those around them. I felt the brokenness of a parent whose love runs so deep that nothing can reach the depths of it. I understood, in that moment, God’s love. I felt it. It was so powerful that I couldn’t even react to the initial “situation”, how could I? So I took my crying daughter into my arms and told her that I loved her, I told her that Jesus loved her, and I told her that in this life we have to make a choice. I told her that she could choose to walk back into the situation, even though she felt wronged, and forgive and fill what was broken with love. Or, she could choose anger. She looked at me, wiped her tears, and slowly walked back to where her sister was sitting and I saw her speak quietly, then she grabbed her hand and they stood together, smiled and hugged. It may have been the most incredible picture the Lord has ever shown me. A real vision of forgiveness and love. I suppose I could have remedied the problem, I could have offered my mom wisdom and told her to apologize and be kind. I could have made them hug and make up. It may have worked but I wouldn’t have gotten this amazing picture of God’s love out of it. I wouldn’t have learned this valuable lesson on forgiveness and love and I wouldn’t have had this story to share with you.
Be encouraged friends and keep your minds on higher things.
-written Nov 14, 2011
Be encouraged friends and keep your minds on higher things.
-written Nov 14, 2011
burnt to perfection.
“Beep, beep, beep!!” At last! They are done. The oven warmed sweet aroma circulates your senses creating a slight sensation of what heaven might feel like. Your mouth waters as you think of the blend of perfection that will become one with your taste buds in only a matter of seconds. It’s euphoric. And then….. disappointment…. blackened hard globs which look nothing like what pioneer women had featured on last Thursday’s recipe blog post…. failure….. silently smoking, devouring the once fragrant scent of confection…. defeat…. and your spirit sinks as you dump the last few hours of work into the trash, and all you can think is that you may never get it right.
I didn’t actually burn the cookies today, at least not literally, but I do destroy something daily. I under-cook the chicken, or overcook the rice, or over-salt the beans. I overdo it with my words or under estimate the value of something someone said . I try too hard when I shouldn’t and don’t try at all when I should. It is a daily battle of under and over and burning and breaking and constantly missing the mark. Of drastically failing at life and allowing my spirit to be crushed beneath the power of the enemy. The power which has no hold on me, yet I quietly lie down in defeat and let him walk on me as though I have no choice.
You will, I will, forever fall short. It’s inevitable, but we don’t have to carry the weight of disappointment because Jesus wants to hold it for us. He is behind you in the kitchen, as you pull the rock-hard inedible cookies that your dog won’t even eat out of the oven, and His heart aches for your feeling of worthlessness. While His hands are stretched out to you patiently waiting for the moment you turn around.
You might only be sort of good at some things but not really great at anything, like a jack of all trades but master of none. Maybe you don’t know what you are good at, maybe you keep failing and are afraid to get up and try something else. We are all on different paths of life yet I think we can relate to one another in more ways than we realize. I know I’m not a master chef or a professional seamstress or an author or comedian, and I do burn the cookies more often than I wish, but I am learning to walk as the person He created me to be, even if it means failing every once and awhile.
-written Oct 1, 2011
I didn’t actually burn the cookies today, at least not literally, but I do destroy something daily. I under-cook the chicken, or overcook the rice, or over-salt the beans. I overdo it with my words or under estimate the value of something someone said . I try too hard when I shouldn’t and don’t try at all when I should. It is a daily battle of under and over and burning and breaking and constantly missing the mark. Of drastically failing at life and allowing my spirit to be crushed beneath the power of the enemy. The power which has no hold on me, yet I quietly lie down in defeat and let him walk on me as though I have no choice.
You will, I will, forever fall short. It’s inevitable, but we don’t have to carry the weight of disappointment because Jesus wants to hold it for us. He is behind you in the kitchen, as you pull the rock-hard inedible cookies that your dog won’t even eat out of the oven, and His heart aches for your feeling of worthlessness. While His hands are stretched out to you patiently waiting for the moment you turn around.
You might only be sort of good at some things but not really great at anything, like a jack of all trades but master of none. Maybe you don’t know what you are good at, maybe you keep failing and are afraid to get up and try something else. We are all on different paths of life yet I think we can relate to one another in more ways than we realize. I know I’m not a master chef or a professional seamstress or an author or comedian, and I do burn the cookies more often than I wish, but I am learning to walk as the person He created me to be, even if it means failing every once and awhile.
-written Oct 1, 2011
a glimpse into my testimony.
Matthew 5:24
Leave there your gift before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
At that moment I knew what I needed to do. I understood why my prayers had been empty and unanswered. But I was too afraid to change. And I really wasn’t even sure where to start. Then one night everything changed. I found myself at a crossroad. To the left I could see the path I was naturally drawn to, a desert trail of lonesome turmoil. Where creatures of darkness whispered my name, promising false hope and a sure path to death. Shadows circled my feet and pricked at my skin, teasing my flesh, enticing my spirit to follow the voices. But the road to my right was different. It was simple, peaceful. This path spiraled upward, towards the sky and it didn’t appear to have an end. And then I saw a man. He stood inches away with tears streaming from eyes that said things only my spirit could comprehend. Without speaking a word He held out His hands, as a father would to his child. His gaze bore into my soul and I could feel His heart wanting to meld into mine. I looked back and forth, from left to right, trying to choose my destiny, until my legs could no longer stand and I fell on my face. I lay, sobbing, at the crossroad for what felt like an eternity, and in all brokenness I begged for forgiveness. I pleaded for a fresh filling of knowledge and wisdom. I prayed for truth. And as He gently lifted me from the ground up to His side, I was made new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
When I came back to reality I felt as though the world had shifted on its axis, and my eyes opened new. It was like I was reborn, like I had been lost and found, it was as though I hadn’t lived before that moment. My walls were down for the first time in my life and I knew that life would never be the same.
-written sept 12, 2011
Leave there your gift before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
At that moment I knew what I needed to do. I understood why my prayers had been empty and unanswered. But I was too afraid to change. And I really wasn’t even sure where to start. Then one night everything changed. I found myself at a crossroad. To the left I could see the path I was naturally drawn to, a desert trail of lonesome turmoil. Where creatures of darkness whispered my name, promising false hope and a sure path to death. Shadows circled my feet and pricked at my skin, teasing my flesh, enticing my spirit to follow the voices. But the road to my right was different. It was simple, peaceful. This path spiraled upward, towards the sky and it didn’t appear to have an end. And then I saw a man. He stood inches away with tears streaming from eyes that said things only my spirit could comprehend. Without speaking a word He held out His hands, as a father would to his child. His gaze bore into my soul and I could feel His heart wanting to meld into mine. I looked back and forth, from left to right, trying to choose my destiny, until my legs could no longer stand and I fell on my face. I lay, sobbing, at the crossroad for what felt like an eternity, and in all brokenness I begged for forgiveness. I pleaded for a fresh filling of knowledge and wisdom. I prayed for truth. And as He gently lifted me from the ground up to His side, I was made new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
When I came back to reality I felt as though the world had shifted on its axis, and my eyes opened new. It was like I was reborn, like I had been lost and found, it was as though I hadn’t lived before that moment. My walls were down for the first time in my life and I knew that life would never be the same.
-written sept 12, 2011
remembering 9-11
It amazes me how so much time can pass by and when we look back over the years only a few memories stand up as monumental. It also saddens me. Why do we so often fall into the trap of living without really living..? As I flip through the moments of my past they all seem so hazy, so distant and so faded. I try to grasp them but, like fireflies, they escape, leaving only a streak of light to be remembered by. But, as foggy as some memories there are also some that playback as clear as though they happened yesterday.
I don’t remember if it was raining and without a Google search reminder I couldn’t even tell you what day it was, but the things I do recall are, to this day, embedded in my heart and soul. It was September 11, 2001, ten years ago today. I awoke in a haze and turned on the TV. Visions of men leaping to their deaths from multiple stories of the twin towers. The masses below racing to be free of burning debris that crumbled down around them. Children crying, so many dying. Life proving to be a mere vapor, last breaths disappearing into a nightmare. Dense smoke encircling hopeless screams and ending dreams. A horrific sight which sent a ripple through me that cracked all the way to my core. I tasted salt and realized that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in years and, in that moment of vulnerability, I felt weak, insignificant, human.
I wrote this blurb a couple years ago. It is actually a small piece of a story which leads into a deeper testimonial of my life, which is exactly what 9-11-01 did for me. It opened me up to a new life, a life filled with depth and meaning, a life filled with love and joy. A life with purpose. My heart aches for those who lived this nightmare, for those who have lost, during 9-11, or any time, anywhere. But I also know it is all for a greater purpose. So I encourage you, be strong, be hopeful, and choose love.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love
-1 John 4:8
-written Sept 12, 2011
I don’t remember if it was raining and without a Google search reminder I couldn’t even tell you what day it was, but the things I do recall are, to this day, embedded in my heart and soul. It was September 11, 2001, ten years ago today. I awoke in a haze and turned on the TV. Visions of men leaping to their deaths from multiple stories of the twin towers. The masses below racing to be free of burning debris that crumbled down around them. Children crying, so many dying. Life proving to be a mere vapor, last breaths disappearing into a nightmare. Dense smoke encircling hopeless screams and ending dreams. A horrific sight which sent a ripple through me that cracked all the way to my core. I tasted salt and realized that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in years and, in that moment of vulnerability, I felt weak, insignificant, human.
I wrote this blurb a couple years ago. It is actually a small piece of a story which leads into a deeper testimonial of my life, which is exactly what 9-11-01 did for me. It opened me up to a new life, a life filled with depth and meaning, a life filled with love and joy. A life with purpose. My heart aches for those who lived this nightmare, for those who have lost, during 9-11, or any time, anywhere. But I also know it is all for a greater purpose. So I encourage you, be strong, be hopeful, and choose love.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love
-1 John 4:8
-written Sept 12, 2011
view from my eyes.
We went to church in the Mixtecan village a couple weeks ago.It’s a rural, spanish speaking service in a quaint little building filled to the brim with God’s Spirit.
I understand little but my heart is always left full.
We were in Genesis and as long as my eyes could follow the words in my bible I was able to use the spanish I knew to complete what was being shared.
But, I ended up losing my place.
at which point my mind started to wander…
I watched a woman sitting in front of me.
she had a young boy asleep in her arms.
He was at perfect peace in his mamas arms, not a care, not a worry, no troubles.
He was safe.
She, on the other hand, had a road behind her.
Her eyes told tales and her hands showed proof.
But, as her spirit worshiped, everything melted away and light came pouring out.
It flowed through the church.
It filtered through the windows of the body of Christ and leaked out the pores of those inside.
It was love, it was truth, it was Jesus.
Moved deep in spirit I found myself gazing out of the large windows.
Windows like frames of an magnificent view.
Brilliant azure sky, lightly painted with white wispy clouds.
Playful birds flittering, chirping melodiously as if singing praise to our Creator.
Tiny brightly colored houses stacked, some neat some not, over an expansion of sage forests and copper sand.
Superb artistry.
And as I sat there I thought to myself;
“people would pay a mint for this kind of view”
and they do, all the time, where I’m from.
But this hill is considered to be destitute and poverty stricken.
I wonder how the villagers see it.
Because all I could see was God’s handiwork
-2/9/2011
I understand little but my heart is always left full.
We were in Genesis and as long as my eyes could follow the words in my bible I was able to use the spanish I knew to complete what was being shared.
But, I ended up losing my place.
at which point my mind started to wander…
I watched a woman sitting in front of me.
she had a young boy asleep in her arms.
He was at perfect peace in his mamas arms, not a care, not a worry, no troubles.
He was safe.
She, on the other hand, had a road behind her.
Her eyes told tales and her hands showed proof.
But, as her spirit worshiped, everything melted away and light came pouring out.
It flowed through the church.
It filtered through the windows of the body of Christ and leaked out the pores of those inside.
It was love, it was truth, it was Jesus.
Moved deep in spirit I found myself gazing out of the large windows.
Windows like frames of an magnificent view.
Brilliant azure sky, lightly painted with white wispy clouds.
Playful birds flittering, chirping melodiously as if singing praise to our Creator.
Tiny brightly colored houses stacked, some neat some not, over an expansion of sage forests and copper sand.
Superb artistry.
And as I sat there I thought to myself;
“people would pay a mint for this kind of view”
and they do, all the time, where I’m from.
But this hill is considered to be destitute and poverty stricken.
I wonder how the villagers see it.
Because all I could see was God’s handiwork
-2/9/2011
wired for desire.
There are very few things that I can recall wanting, needing, craving to the point of losing my mind over the battle of not having it. I have one pretty colorful memory, I might have been somewhere around eight or nine and Christmas was just around the corner. I remember sitting on the floor thumbing through a Sears catalog completely lost in a world of things I knew I’d never have. Until an image caught my eyes, a glossy black remote controlled airplane. It was the kind that landed in water and had a wingspan the length of widespread arms. It was more delightful than anything I’d laid eyes upon up until that moment, it was the moment that I knew I needed it to be happy, the moment I knew I would never be complete until I had it as my own, the moment (that I didn’t realize until many years later) where I was willing to give up anything to fulfill the uncontrollable aching desire in my being. The sad part of the story is, I never got that airplane. I had ripped the page out of the catalog and treasured it and hoped and prayed for the real thing to be under the tree at Christmas, but it never came. I hardly remember why I didn’t get it, but I’m sure it was insanely expensive and with three sisters I should have known my parents could never afford such a frivolous toy. But, despite the little voice inside that told me I’d never posses it, I still found myself brokenhearted and even a little bitter. But I was simply a child, I lacked wisdom and knowledge, I had yet to discover the ways of fulfillment in self sacrifice. And as I replay the memory now it seems silly, trivial, childish. It was just a kids toy. I’m even chuckling a bit as I write it because it’s so ridiculous how consuming that desire was for me. But, as silly as it sounds, I still do that, you do that, everyday we all do that. We crave, we desire, we NEED to the edge of giving up other things to have whatever it may be. Even if we don’t realize it. I remember praying, fervently, for that toy to be mine, just as much as I can recall praying heavily for so many other things I thought I so desperately needed, just to be answered by a closed door. There are things now that I pray for, things I feel would be better if they were one way or another, things I have to lay in Jesus’ pierced hands at every passing moment of Every. Single. Day. Things I have to allow Him to lead in, because I know His ways are far greater than mine. We all struggle with the natural desire to fulfill the cravings of our flesh. It is ingrained inside, it’s wired in us, it is the sin nature which abides in every one of us. But it can be overcome by the power of the Holy Spirit, by the blood of Christ, by the cutting away of all fleshly things and putting on the whole armor of Christ. If Paul could do it so can you, so can I, so can any of us. I encourage you to keep praying for those things you desire, the things you feel would change things for the better, but continue to do so with the mind that His will WILL be done and that it will be far better than anything else, regardless.
-written July 17, 2011
-written July 17, 2011
like oil and water, so it is.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve written my thoughts that I’d be lying if I said it was an easy task. My mind is as cram packed as a tin can full of sardines, one on top of the other until there’s room for nothing more. And the worst part is that I misplaced the can opener. If only I could put it all into a screenplay for you, to open the theatrical doors of my mind into a world of Memoria. A place abounding with love and chaos, chipped away by brokenness and patched with grace. It would be quite the show. I’d recommend kettle corn and kleenex.
It’s coming again. Taunting and teasing, while questioning, testing. Change. The thing we crave and the thing we fear. It’s inevitable, It’s part of life, and, I’m learning to embrace it, not run from it. So I sit here, in the chapel, as words and phrases cyclone through my mind but all I can do is stare out at the three crosses, and think, “what’s next?” I am filled with anxiety, but at the same time, downcast in my soul. My heart is a combination of oil and water, I shake and stir but it won’t mix together. I’m not even really sure why I keep trying to force it, it’ll never work, one into the other. They aren’t meant to combine. Like flesh and spirit. Yet we do everything in our power, at least I do, to make it work together, to force it to create something that we think might be better than the original plan. God’s plan. The thing we fight, the thing we fear, the thing we run from and hide from, the very thing that consumes and ignites and burns the flesh away from our spirit. The only thing that we need, the only thing worth living for, Christ.
Romans 8:2-6 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
I fell in love about a month ago. Completely, head-over-heels, in love with Mexico. It came after a deep emotional quest to find my “home”. But I finally did, I found it. First in Christ, and then here, en Mexico. It rooted in my core one afternoon as we drove into town. I’m not sure if it was the candidness, the irresistible language, or the mercado de pescado and the salty sweet smell of the ocean that caught hold of my heartstrings and pulled until it hurt, but I think it was a combination of all those things, and more (tanto mas). I felt, in that moment, that I was exactly where I needed, where I wanted, to be and joy enraptured me for the first time since we’d moved here. I am pretty sure I wore a permanent smile for the remainder of that day.
But, with all that being said, I feel it circling again. Like smoke rings at my feet, dancing at my ankles, waiting for the perfect moment to consume the day and everything in it. The scent will be new, unfamiliar, and my eyes will have to regain focus in the hazy clouds. But I’ll walk by faith anyway, looking to the cross where the air is always clear. My heart will be spread out again, in a few short weeks, as my Tres Cruces familia parts ways for real this time. As my sister, cooking buddy, full of life Sarah packs her belongings and heads North to do amazing things for the kingdom of our Father, I am so divided by her leaving. It was a joy to watch her grow so much in Christ. Sarah, te amo mucho mi amiga and even though I am sad to see you go I am thankful I had so much time with you. I will miss you girl. Raise the roof wherever you go. And my playful, lovely Anca. I had no idea she would grown on me like she did. But man did she. I see a bright future ahead of her, I see children, maybe an orphanage, she has so much love to give and it escapes through her smiles and touch and (contagious) laughter. Anca, I miss you already and you haven’t even left yet. Vaya con Dios mi hermana and I’ll be sure to keep that (curly headed) H&H guy lifted in prayer for you! Love you lady. And last, but certainly not least, David. I am so thrilled I got the opportunity to get to know David ‘Chamoy’. David makes the best breakfast on this side of the border, and soon to be on the other side. If any of you all ever get the opportunity to share a meal and convo with David, don’t turn it down. He’s a guy worth getting to know. Your kids will adore him and he can play a tough game of Blokus. David you rock and I’ll miss you man.
So, all that to say, I am sad they have to leave, but more so excited to see what the Lord has in store for my brother and sisters. I am beyond blessed to have gotten the opportunity to know them and their hearts and I can’t wait to see how Christ works in and through them to further the gospel. You will all be in my prayers often. Looking forward, I am ecstatic to be part of what the Lord wants to do here this coming term, with new faces and cultures and stories. And I can’t thank Jesus enough for putting Shae and Ryan’s family next door to us, and Luis who will be staying on and likely teaching. I am blessed. My heart is full and even though pieces of it are going to be scattered about as my friends depart I am thankful, I am content, and I have joy because I am HIS. Gracias a Dios for being who You are.
Colossians 3:16-17 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
-this was written May 19, 2011
It’s coming again. Taunting and teasing, while questioning, testing. Change. The thing we crave and the thing we fear. It’s inevitable, It’s part of life, and, I’m learning to embrace it, not run from it. So I sit here, in the chapel, as words and phrases cyclone through my mind but all I can do is stare out at the three crosses, and think, “what’s next?” I am filled with anxiety, but at the same time, downcast in my soul. My heart is a combination of oil and water, I shake and stir but it won’t mix together. I’m not even really sure why I keep trying to force it, it’ll never work, one into the other. They aren’t meant to combine. Like flesh and spirit. Yet we do everything in our power, at least I do, to make it work together, to force it to create something that we think might be better than the original plan. God’s plan. The thing we fight, the thing we fear, the thing we run from and hide from, the very thing that consumes and ignites and burns the flesh away from our spirit. The only thing that we need, the only thing worth living for, Christ.
Romans 8:2-6 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
I fell in love about a month ago. Completely, head-over-heels, in love with Mexico. It came after a deep emotional quest to find my “home”. But I finally did, I found it. First in Christ, and then here, en Mexico. It rooted in my core one afternoon as we drove into town. I’m not sure if it was the candidness, the irresistible language, or the mercado de pescado and the salty sweet smell of the ocean that caught hold of my heartstrings and pulled until it hurt, but I think it was a combination of all those things, and more (tanto mas). I felt, in that moment, that I was exactly where I needed, where I wanted, to be and joy enraptured me for the first time since we’d moved here. I am pretty sure I wore a permanent smile for the remainder of that day.
But, with all that being said, I feel it circling again. Like smoke rings at my feet, dancing at my ankles, waiting for the perfect moment to consume the day and everything in it. The scent will be new, unfamiliar, and my eyes will have to regain focus in the hazy clouds. But I’ll walk by faith anyway, looking to the cross where the air is always clear. My heart will be spread out again, in a few short weeks, as my Tres Cruces familia parts ways for real this time. As my sister, cooking buddy, full of life Sarah packs her belongings and heads North to do amazing things for the kingdom of our Father, I am so divided by her leaving. It was a joy to watch her grow so much in Christ. Sarah, te amo mucho mi amiga and even though I am sad to see you go I am thankful I had so much time with you. I will miss you girl. Raise the roof wherever you go. And my playful, lovely Anca. I had no idea she would grown on me like she did. But man did she. I see a bright future ahead of her, I see children, maybe an orphanage, she has so much love to give and it escapes through her smiles and touch and (contagious) laughter. Anca, I miss you already and you haven’t even left yet. Vaya con Dios mi hermana and I’ll be sure to keep that (curly headed) H&H guy lifted in prayer for you! Love you lady. And last, but certainly not least, David. I am so thrilled I got the opportunity to get to know David ‘Chamoy’. David makes the best breakfast on this side of the border, and soon to be on the other side. If any of you all ever get the opportunity to share a meal and convo with David, don’t turn it down. He’s a guy worth getting to know. Your kids will adore him and he can play a tough game of Blokus. David you rock and I’ll miss you man.
So, all that to say, I am sad they have to leave, but more so excited to see what the Lord has in store for my brother and sisters. I am beyond blessed to have gotten the opportunity to know them and their hearts and I can’t wait to see how Christ works in and through them to further the gospel. You will all be in my prayers often. Looking forward, I am ecstatic to be part of what the Lord wants to do here this coming term, with new faces and cultures and stories. And I can’t thank Jesus enough for putting Shae and Ryan’s family next door to us, and Luis who will be staying on and likely teaching. I am blessed. My heart is full and even though pieces of it are going to be scattered about as my friends depart I am thankful, I am content, and I have joy because I am HIS. Gracias a Dios for being who You are.
Colossians 3:16-17 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
-this was written May 19, 2011
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